Harmed
by Lleira
Summary: Lisbon is harmed and Jane has a hard time dealing with it. Summary sucks, story probably too, still, I try. Give it go if you feel like it :) Rating it T just to be sure, might change if I continue with the story.
1. Chapter 1

_The idea for this story popped into my mind while I was at work and I thought that I could give it a try, so I did. I don´t know if it is any good, and I can always delete it, but if there would be people, who would like me to continue, I gladly will. The first part takes place in Jane´s childhood, explaining why he might have such dislike for doctors and hospitals, as well as his way of becoming a mentalist -_ _It´s not so elaborate like I am making it sound, but...well, I tried._ _The second part takes place some short time after Jane came back from Venezuela and the rest is there for you to read._

 _Reviews and feedback are appreciated, and I do hope you enjoy reading this, even just a little bit._

 _(I apologize for any mistakes.)_

 _Thanks._

* * *

The antiseptics and white rooms always gave him the chills. His last visit in a place like this was not great, having a broken arm after falling down the stairs. At least that was his father story which he said to doctors. Of course, there are no stairs in Airstream, just steps - steps from which fall would´ve never resulted in a broken bone.

This hospital was different. All the faces around him wore the same helpless, desperate mask, the smell crept him out and he felt like the smallest person in the whole world. He was told to wait, so he waited, sitting on a plastic chair in the waiting room. Some of the people looked down on him, pity flashing in their eyes, as long as he could tell.

Perhaps it was the way he looked, with gray t-shirt which used to black, too big for his small frame, blue sneakers - too small this time and torn, old jeans. His hair was a nest of wild curls, something he couldn´t care less about. Violet, green and yellow bruises covered his hands. Some of them he managed to get on his own, being a curious kid, who liked to climb, run, jump and swim.

Some of them were there not by his making. Being a disobeying kid did not always paid off.

So he waited, despite how he felt.

His mom was taken away by the ambulance this morning and since then, the day became blurry. She was feeling bad for a long time but he´d been told that everything is just fine and mom is taking medicine which will help her.

So why couldn´t he see her?

Why did his father told him to wait and left him here, all alone?

And why did all the nurses walking around in a hurry always gave him a pitying look?

He might be young, but Patrick Jane was no ordinary child. His mind already worked on a different level. He couldn´t quite grasp the essence of cold reading yet, but he was getting there. Father had been training him and he sometimes performed with him, mainly when mom felt bad.

Sometimes, dad even let him do readings on his own.

Another nurse walked by and smiled at him, yet the smile never reached her eyes. Something awful was going on and he needed to know what. He left the chair despite what his father told him and run to catch up with the her.

"Um, Miss? Excuse me, miss?"

She turned around, annoyed and tired look on her face.

"What is it? Are you lost?" she asked and the look on her face softened a bit.

"No, but...can you tell me what is wrong with my mom - Anna Jane? "

The nurse, knowing nothing about the whereabouts this poor little´s boy mother, said the only thing that came to her mind quickly, "she´s fine sweetie, don´t worry. Go back to the waiting room, okay? Somebody will be there shortly looking for you, worrying sick for sure."

Patrick, feeling a bit relieved, ignored all the tell tale signs of a person lying. A giant stone fell of his little heart and he smiled at the nurse, nodding and saying his thanks.

He returned back to his waiting post, smiling a small smile. A nurse must´ve known what is going on, right? She wouldn´t lie to him, doctors can´t do that. He was sure of that. So, his mom is going to be fine. Maybe he would have to spent some days alone, just with his father, but then, mom will come home. It happened before, this is not the first time.

He took a book out of his small backpack which he hid under the chair and tried reading some more. Although he was just five, mom was teaching him to read, and he was getting quite good at that. Suddenly, he couldn´t wait to show her how good he have gotten.

* * *

"Don´t tell him," she whispered lying on the hospital bed, almost as white as the sheets underneath her. Alex cursed silently and his hands went to his ruffled hair. His wife had week, maybe two, left to live.

"Why the hell not?" he asked, desperate. "What difference does it make?"

"It makes a difference...to...me," she whispered, her breath hitching as she spoke. "I can´t look him in the eyes and...I just can´t."

"So you´ll leave it all for me to deal with, huh? You die and bam, Paddy, well, we have all been lying to you, mommy is not going home after all...he´s not stupid you know?"

"No, he´s not, you know I know that," she said desperately and continued"but...let him be a child for a little bit more before...before I´m gone. Let me be a mother for a little bit more...," she breathed out.

Alex´s eyes, usually sparking bright, were filled with tears. "What I am going to do without you?" He asked, as the realization finally hit him. His wife smiled a small, tired smile. She found his hand with hers and squeezed is as tightly as she could. "We knew this day will come...we talked about it, so many times Alex, so you know what I need you to do, right?" she said and he gave a her a beaten look. "Raise him good. Train him, he has so much potential. Don´t...don´t drown in the sorrow too much, for too long...he will need you. Please...promise me you´ll take good care of him."

"I...I...don´t know if I am up for such a task..." he whispered back, knowing exactly he was never a good father material, just like his father wasn´t.

"Promise me Alex..." she pleaded.

He led out a long sigh. "I promise that I´ll try, that´s all I can do."

* * *

Patrick was led out of mother´s room, shaken to the core. She looked really bad. She could barely speak and fell asleep in the middle of a sentence, twice, before they were ushered out by another nurse. Father told him it´s the medicine she´s taking and it will take some time before she gets better.

That made sense.

Father looking like he´s been crying didn´t. Why would he cry if she´s getting better? Perhaps he just hated to see her like this, Patrick mused. He sure did. His own eyes were a bit misty when he sat in the old rusty truck, which belonged to the carnival.

"When can we see her again, dad?" he asked after a while.

"Stop asking questions Paddy, I´m driving. And when we get home, get ready for tonight show, understand?"

"Yes, dad," he said, his voice lacking the childish enthusiasm. His mom usually helped him to get ready. Not today, he thought.

* * *

Patrick was left alone in the trailer after the show. Dad said something about being back soon. It caused no problems for him, little Patrick was used to it. He brushed his teeth, put away his clothes, nicely, like his mom always told him to and went to bed, holding an old book which his mother used to read to him. The night was calm and quite hot, he could hear crickets and people´s laughter through the open window, could see stars shinning bright.

Yet sleep never come easy to him. His mind worked through the night, analyzing every sound he could hear, the thoughts always keeping him awake. It was usually after midnight when his body refused to go any more and he was finally able to get some sleep. This night was no exception. Something was bothering him and he couldn´t quite put his finger on it.

After all, he was only five.

Shuddering, he lied down on his belly and opened the book right where his mom left off. No need for bookmark, he always remembered the number of the page she read last. Soon, he got lost in the story, while his father was still absent.

* * *

"Another one?" Pete asked, pouring Alex another shot of vodka.

Wordlessly, Alex took the tiny glass and gulped the liquid down in one go. "Thanks," he muttered and Pete only nodded, staring at him. He couldn´t imagine what was the man going through. Losing a wife like that..."So, there´s nothing they could do?"

"No...just make her comfortable, until..."

This time, Pete nods, "How´s Paddy?" he asked, genuinely worried about the little lad. He´s a good boy, he thought. Sometimes he get on the nerves, but which kid doesn´t? And he´s talented. He sure has a future around here and he hated to think what is this all doing to him.

"He has no clue. Or maybe he does, I sure as hell don´t know...anyways, she begged me not to tell him. Not yet."

"Poor little lad..." Pete muttered under his breath after Alex sighed loudly. "You know that we will help you anyway we can Alex, I can watch the boy anytime, teach him a few things on the way."

Alex nodded, his eyes red, maybe from tears, maybe from the vodka. Perhaps from both. "Thanks, I appreciate that but I really should be going, I´ll promised her to be a better father...might as well start doing that."

"Good promise," Pete said and nodded in approval. It was a shame that Alex couldn´t keep up with it.

* * *

Patrick couldn´t take it anymore. He run to the surrounding forest, eyes burning from all the unshed tears. How could this happen? Everyone lied to him! The nurses! The doctors! His father! Even mom...his dear mom. All of them told him she will be back...

None of them told him she will be back in a coffin!

"Liars"! he yelled as he run thought the bushes, not minding the stings he felt as some of them have ripped his skin.

"You all lied to me!" he yelled some more.

Somewhere, behind him, people were calling his name. He couldn´t care less, all he wanted to do was get away, as far as possible. Away from all the lying people, away from his dead mother, away from the absolute sorrow and desperation he felt. He ran, the voices yelling his name getting lost somewhere behind him. They won´t find him, he vowed. He won´t go to his mother´s funeral because she can´t be dead! She can´t. How could she? The medicine...it worked, right? She told him...she...

After what seemed like hours, he fell down on his four, breathless from all the running, his skin burning just as his eyes did and suddenly, the images of all people telling lies flashed in front of his eyes.

"They all lied," he whispered, suddenly realizing it. He could see it...yet he chose not to.

"They...they all did..." he whispered and sat down, holding his knees, rocking back and forth.

"Oh, mommy..." he whispered and sobbed violently.

* * *

Alex carried his bruised and scratched son home in silence and surrounding darkness. The only sound except the sounds of forest were Patrick´s little sobs. "Stop sobbing, son," he said, he himself fighting the urge to cry knowing that he can´t. Not in front of him at least.

"No!" Patrick yipped, "you lied! Mom´s dead..."

Alex sighed. He was never good with talking to his son, only when it came to scolding him, trying to get some sense into the stubborn head of his. His mother was the one who cared for him and loved him. She would´ve known what to say. She would comfort him, wipe his tears away...make everything all right again.

Nevertheless, she´s gone. All the kid is left with is him. And there is only one things Alexander Jane is good at - it ain´t sugarcoating.

"Listen here Paddy, people lie all the time. They lie to you for different reasons, some of them are good, some of them are bad. But the point stands. We all lie. All the time."

Young Patrick rubbed at his eyes, trying to stop those tears flowing." "Even you?" He asks, desperation and accusation filling his voice, the childlike attitude slowly slipping away from him, as it had been fading away since his mother been admitted to hospital.

Alex Jane looks down on his son, his own eyes kind of misty, face worn down. "Especially me son. It´s the only thing I´m good at."

Patrick nodded in silence, not really understanding his father´s words.

"Is she really gone?" he whispers, mostly to himself.

Alex nodded this time." I am sorry son. It´s just you and me now. Better get used to it, huh?"

He didn´t even bother trying to stop those giant tears falling down his cheeks this time and his father picked him up again, carrying him back to the circus.

On the way back, Patrick made a choice.

A choice that would mark his future forever.

He vowed, wordlessly, just in his mind, to never let anyone lie to him, ever again.

* * *

 **Many years later**

Cho walked up and down in the Seton Medical Center waiting area, trying hard not to think about the last forty eight minutes of his life. They belonged, by far, to the most horrific minutes he had lived through. He was still dressed in the blood soaked clothes, his mind going crazy with impatience. Lisbon was hurried right into the surgery with two gunshot wounds to her chest, literally drowning in her own blood.

He felt like a failure. He sure have failed Lisbon. He should saw it coming, do something to prevent it. Only person who felt worse than him, besides Lisbon, was Jane sitting on the white plastic chair wearing a blank face. He was almost as white as the wall behind him, his leg was twitching like crazy and he had not said a word since he sat down. Abbott was still at the scene with Fischer, wrapping up the mess they made. The prime suspect in their latest case, the one who shot Lisbon, was taken down by the SWAT team that arrived at the scene after Cho called for backup and ambulance.

The paramedics had to wait until the scene was clear, before approaching him and Lisbon. Cho couldn´t keep the look on her face off his mind. She was terrified, dizzy, hardly breathing. Yet she tried to ask him to tell something important to Jane.

"Stay calm, you will tell him yourself," he said to her only half an hour earlier and she couched again, her eyes widening in horror when she tasted blood on her tongue.

"Please Cho...I need him to know that...I..." and that was it. She lost consciousness, probably due to low blood pressure.

Cho shivered and shook his head, trying to deal with the guilt he felt.

"It wasn´t your fault Cho. If anything, you saved her life," Jane said all of sudden, stopping himself before he could add "for now" to the sentence, his voice lacking any kind of emotion.

"I should´ve seen it coming," Cho replied, anger filling his voice but Jane didn´t deliver any response. So they kept silent and waited, both lost in their own personal hells.

Soon, Abbott and Fisher appeared, both asking for news yet not getting any. No one had updated them on Lisbon´s condition so they joined their colleagues in the waiting room, dread filling every cell in their bodies.

Jane knew all three of his colleagues were glancing at him from time to time, trying to decipher or better, prevent any kind of mental breakdown he could be having. The truth was, he felt hollow. Numb. Empty. No emotion could play on his face because simply, he felt nothing.

it was an easy equation. If she´s gone, he´s done. He never told her that but she was the reason for which he stayed alive after killing McAllister. Without her, without the thought of Lisbon finding his lifeless body side by side with the man who murdered his family, he would have probably blow his head off right there in that park.

Everybody has a breaking point. He got a hold on himself after what happened to Angie and Charlotte for a simple reason. Revenge. It kept him going, but along the way, Lisbon added her petite stubborn and most of all caring self to the mixture of aspects which kept him alive.

He felt too old. Too weak to do this again. He already lost the people whom he admired and loved the most, too soon in his life. Patrick Jane was sure of one thing. He can´t do this, not again. If she´s gone, that will be his ultimate breaking point.

And he simply couldn´t see any reason to be pulling himself back together.

Not without her, anyway.

* * *

 **Later**

"Agent Lisbon," A tired looking doctor stepped into the waiting room, looking indeed drained, yet satisfied. Jane caught that glimpse of satisfaction on her face and a giant stone fell of his chest.

"That´s us," Abbott said beating everyone to it. The doctor eyes them all and nodded.

"The surgery went well. We were able to remove two bullets from the left lung and repair the damage they caused. We had to place an endotracheal tube into Ms. Lisbon lungs to help with the breathing and, -"

"Can we see her?" Jane asked abruptly, his impatience reaching its peak.

* * *

Sitting near Lisbon´s hospital bed, listening to all those machines she was hooked to beeping and buzzing, Jane thought about how many strings had had Abbott pulled to make this work. He somehow managed to wiggle Jane´s way into Lisbon´s room, making it possible for him to stay in there as long as he likes granted he would not get in the way and in a time of emergency, he will listen to the hospital staff and do as he´s been told. Jane gladly obliged.

They gave him a mask, white coat and gloves to wear, just in case. He looked like a giant rubber man. Yet, Lisbon looked way worse. Her face was hardly recognizable under the machinery that was keeping her alive and monitoring her vitals. Doctor Black stayed with him there for a while, explaining everything he wanted to know and despite his hostility towards doctors and hospitals in general, he was truly grateful now for every information he could get.

Evidently, all things considered, Lisbon would be fine as according to doctor Black, people are not as easily killed by guns as it´s widely spread. There were some possible complications in the way, yet Jane chose not to think about them right now. One thing at a time, he thought. So far, his kept his sanity with the thought of Lisbon being alive, if not so well.

He was not allowed to touch her. All he could do was look at her.

And talk to her.

"Hey," he whispered, lowering his face just a little bit closer to hers. There was a slight chance, or in other words, no chance, that she could hear him. She was completely off. "It´s me, Jane," he continued, nevertheless. "The biggest pain in your posterior... I am here Lisbon, but as it seems, this hospital has some sort of no touch policy...If that´s wasn´t the deal, I would hold your hand now. I swear," he rambled on, trying to hold back his tears, his only answer being beeps and buzz from the machines. "Still, I´ll wait until you wake up, and they unhook you from all this unflattering machinery. Till then, we are restricted to talking only I´m afraid...Well, I am. You are restricted to listening only...I hope you don´t mind because frankly, I have some interesting stories that I would gladly share with you. As a matter of fact ,there is a lot of things I would like to share with you Teresa. Tons of things. You know what? If you wake up, and smile that dimple showing smile of yours, I´ll do more than that, not just share things with you. I...I will drink coffee instead of tea for a month - or even longer - I am not sure about stopping drinking tea at all but I might try - that much you mean to me. I will bring you bear claws and case closed pizzas without even solving a case. I would take care of you, to an extend in which you let me and then push it so far that you´ll punch me, repeatedly. I will ask you out, take you on a proper romantic date you always pretended to hate, yet, secretly wanted to experience. I´ll do all of this and much more, or my name is not Patrick Jane. Because Teresa Lisbon...I...I love you, had loved you for so many years. And honestly, I can´t bear to lose you. I simply can´t. Not you, too," he whispered, this time mostly to himself, "Not you too. "

"Please not you too."

Jane lowered his head into his hands, breathing in and out, in a vain attempt to calm himself down. He sobbed, quietly, hoping, praying even, just as Lisbon used to do for him too.

Long night was ahead of him.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you all for your feedback and reviews, I was really surprised - in a very good way - by the response. And the answer to question why I think no one would like this story is simple - I was born without self-esteem. Truly. I have got none of it. Sometimes it´s interesting in that head of mine...:) Anyway, thank you again._

 _(Warning - Angst ahead)_

* * *

"There are frozen lasagnas in the fridge, make sure your brothers eat them, okay sweetie? And no dirty dishes in the sink - wash them!"

"Sure mom," Teresa replied with a pout. She always had to so much house chores, while her brothers played outside. It was simply too unfair.

"And take that nasty look off your face, Teresa," her mother said sternly, yet kissed her before leaving for work, "I´ll make it up to you, okay? I promise."

Teresa nodded. Mom promised to get a free weekend so she could go to her first sleepover ever. Dad was working weekends to earn extra money and without mom, she would have to watch her damned brothers again. Thanks to this unfairness , her friends at school started to make fun of her. It felt bad. She simply couldn´t go anywhere most of the time and felt kind of trapped.

"Bye sweetie, and behave. Dad will be home before ten, so make sure those three are asleep by then."

"Okay, bye!" she called after her, sighing loudly when she was sure mom couldn´t hear her. "So unfair," she muttered under her breath and went to prepare dinner. Soon, her three brothers would run through the front door, hungry, dirty, thirsty and it was up to her to take care of them. And it wasn´t just food she had to provide. They usually needed help with home-works, too. And baths. Or showers. Sure, Stan was helping her when he felt like it, being the second oldest child, but most of the time, he just acted like the younger brothers - like a bunch of three year olds.

She got started on those lasagnas and worked on her own school work on the way.

* * *

Katherine Lisbon drove her old Pontiac that needed to be fixed, or better, changed for another car, to work. She worked as a nurse, and a long, twenty-four hours shift was in front of her. That´s the price you had to pay when you want a free weekend. But she owed it to the kids. She and her husband had been leaving them alone, due to work, all the time. Let´s face it, raising four kids is not cheap and they sure as hell needed the money. As of clue, the transmission made noise no transmission should be making and Kate cursed, oblivious to the truck which came out of nowhere and hit her tiny car with full ferocity. It only took a seconds to make a family of six become a family of five. Kate Lisbon, a hardworking mom, died almost instantly after the hit. Her old Pontiac was no match for the impact. Her last thoughts, before the blackness took her away, were of her husband and children. The truck driver survived with minor injuries - he fled the scene and had never been caught. Her car was found twenty two minutes later by another driver who called the cops and ambulance immediately and another ten minutes late, the ambulance arrived alongside with the police and firefighters. Everyone hurried to the car not knowing how bad the person is. Suddenly, a loud "Noo!" "Kate! Noo! Jesus, nooo!" pierced the air and everyone looked at the yelling man.

Kneeling beside the old wrecked Pontiac, one of the firefighters - Robert Lisbon - sobbed violently, forced to watch paramedics who just started to with the resurrection.

Sadly, there was nothing they could do to save her.

* * *

 **Some weeks later**

Teresa sat down at bed in her bedroom, locking the door behind her. She was shivering wildly, her face ached and she was sure a bruise will form under her eye till the morning. Her tiny hand went to touch the sore spot in silent awe.

He hit her.

Dad just hit her.

It had never happened before. He used to yell at them when they misbehaved but that was just about it. But he never hit them. Unknowingly, Teresa´s small hand went to fiddle with the necklace her mother gave her only days before she passed away.

It´s been hard - for all of them. She tried to do her best, tried to help dad with any housework she could manage on her own, she helped with boys, conformed them when they needed it, bracing herself for another day of misery, yet wearing a mask of a strong, brave girl.

She had not cried yet. It´s been weeks since her mom was lowered down to her grave, yet Teresa couldn´t cry. Not until now at least.

She forgot to iron dad shirts. She simply forgot, that happens, right?

"You what?" he asked, his breath smelling like beer, beer he´s been gulping down every day since the funeral.

"Forgot," she replied, bit too harshly. To be honest, she was tired and frustrated, unable to deal with her feelings on her own yet forced to do just that.

"What are you, stupid? I told you this morning I need them to be ready by tonight! Do you think I have the time to iron my freakin´ shirts, working two jobs, huh? Do you?"

"I don´t know, but it seems you have time for drinking...so," she said, anger bubbling inside of her. She missed him and this was a simple cry for help. But her father was in no state of providing help - of any kind. Then it happened. He hit her. It seemed to surprise him the same amount as it did her. Breathing hard, looking down on her, he sent her back to her room. Teresa obeyed, hurrying to her room in shock. Now, sitting on her bed, she let the tears flow, finally letting the desperation and sorrow out of her system. She cried and cried some more, ignoring the knocks on her door and dad´s pleadings to unlock the damn door. She lied down on her bed, still dressed in her school clothes, sobbing violently now, trying to muffle her cries with pillows. She buried her head into one, her small body shaking from sobbing so hard.

She cried herself to sleep that night, not bothering to unlock her door, not even when her brothers came home and demanded her presence. She could hear father talking and realized that he probably stayed home tonight, instead of going to work.

"She´s sleeping , leave her be," she heard him saying to Tommy, probably.

"Is she sick?" he asked, his voice filled with worry.

"No, of course not, she´s just tired. You know what? Let´s eat. You must be hungry."

It was last night during which Robert Lisbon took care of his children, switching his fatherly figure for an alcoholic one pretty soon afterwards.

* * *

Around five fifteen in the morning, a gruesome pain woke her up. Her chest felt like somebody had put in on fire. She could hear beeping and buzzing, yet her mind was in kind of a foggy state and she couldn´t get a hold on where she was. What is going on? Why does she hurts so much? Her eyes fluttered open, yet all she could see were machines, IV´s, wires...and something was preventing her from breathing. She squirmed a bit, and tried to whine but the ET tube made it impossible. Panic started to overtook her.

Then, a pair of blueish eyes found hers.

Jane.

He´s here. Somehow, it made her feel safe, yet it did not stop the pain in her chest raising. She managed to point at it with her right hand, blinking fast. Knowing Jane, she knew he would understand. He would help her, he had to because the pain is unbearable.

"I know, I know it hurts," he said, calmly, and the sound of his voice soothed her. "It will be fine, just fine. Just keep calm Teresa, help is on the way," he continued, pressing the call button multiple times already. After what seemed to be forever, yet took seconds, Dr. Black came in, reading the situation swiftly. Jane watched her as she fiddled with Lisbon´s IV´s and soon, her eyes closed again, her body relaxed onto the hospital bed.

She slowly drifted into sleep again, the pain subduing into a bearable level.

The room was a lot darker the next time she woke up and she was in a moderately endurable pain. Still, she was quite aware of its presence and the weird scary feeling of not being able to breathe hadn´t changed. Panicking, she tried to sit up and realized that is was not the best idea. The endurable pain quickly changed its status into unbearable one.

"Hey...hey, it´s okay, don´t move or you´re going to hurt yourself," came a soothing voice.

Jane again. The panic subdued a little. Just a little. She frowned in a vain attempt to get a hold on what had happened, only fragments of memories coming back to her. The Case. Worried Cho. Sirens blasting out loud. It all crashed down on her in seconds and if she could she would´ve gasped.

She was shot. Perhaps that´s why Jane looked worse than she felt. She blinked slowly, trying to regain as much control of herself as she could. It was not easy with a machine breathing for her, or with the inability to move just an inch without feeling like...well, like she´d been shot. The only thing she could control was her mind, at least for now. So, with an enormous effort, Lisbon somehow calmed down.

"Oh, good to see you awake again, Ms. Lisbon," Lisbon heard someone say and tried to look up. "Now let´s see if it safe to remove the tube, what do you say?"

Lisbon wanted to say hell yes, but couldn´t. Instead, she just nodded slowly.

* * *

Some horrifyingly minutes later, during which her ET tube was being removed, a situation she never wanted to relive again, Lisbon was slowly breathing on her own and an ice chip was melting in her mouth. She was so parched that the little bit of freaking iced water tasted better than anything she ever had drank. Period. Even better than coffee - okay, she might change her opinion about this later. Reading her facial expressions, Jane offered her another one and she gladly let him to put a small chip on her tongue.

She tried to speak but her voice came only in hoarse whispers and after a while, she stopped trying at all. In situations like this Jane being a mentalist paid off.

"She wants to know what is wrong with her voice," Jane translated her half frowning, half worrying look, smiling a soft smile. He knew it had to do something with the tube being stuck in her throat for almost two days but then again, she might want to hear it from the competent doctor.

"It´s the side effect of the ET tube Ms. Lisbon. It should be gone in couple of hours, day mostly, but we will monitor you for any kind of respiratory infection, just in case. For now, try to rest your trachea and vocal chords."

Lisbon nodded and closed her eyes, tiredness once again overtaking her, all those painkillers made her drowsy. Her eyes fluttered open and even though it was pathetic and desperate, she didn´t want Jane to leave. He should though, she thought. He seemed to be exhausted beyond measures too. It was not fair for him - none of this was fair to anybody.

"I am staying," he stated simply,. "And there is simply no point in fighting with me since you can´t talk properly so for now...just rest, Lisbon. I´m fine."

"Okay," she replied sounding like a retired rock star and closed her eyes. She was out in a minute. For a while, Jane sat there in silence, somehow oblivious of Dr. Black still being in the room.

"You should get something to eat, Mr.. Jane. You look horrible."

"Well, thank you, it´s always nice to hear a compliment," he shot back, his eyes never leaving Lisbon.

"We have a cafeteria in here you know? And sometimes the food there is almost edible. Go eat something. I´ll stay here for a while to ease your worries."

"What about your other patients?"

"My shift just ended," she replied calmly. "Go."

Jane took in a long breath. "There is more to life than work, you should go home," Jane said, giving the doctor a focused look. She just shuddered. Another workaholic, he observed. Slowly, Jane realized, that she and Lisbon had the same desire - to help people, each of them just using different methods to do so. And sometimes, no matter how hard they tried, the results were devastating. He did himself a favor, and let the doctor help him. "I´ll be quick," he said before standing up and stretching himself in the process.

"Sure," Dr. Black replied and sat down, taking his post as a silent guardian next to Lisbon´s bed.

* * *

He sure was quick, gulping down whatever they put on his plate, sipping on the beverage the hospital had nerve to call "tea". He then hastily called Cho and updated him on Lisbon´s waking up. Cho sounded...well, like Cho. Since Jane did not wanted to call any of his other coworkers, he relied on Cho to keep them updated. Something was telling him that they would want to give him a piece of their mind, telling him what to do and what not to do. Cho knew him and simply understood that a man has to do what he has to do.

He loves her. Deeply. And for the first time in over a decade Jane decided not to waste any more time pretending that it´s not true. So she will not be waking up alone and afraid, not if he could help it. Sleep is overrated anyway. He paid for the food, not giving a damn about the looks people gave him. He went back to Lisbon´s room, and switched with Dr. Black once more. She smiled tiredly at him and said hers goodbyes.

"Here´s my page number - just in case," she said before leaving and Jane thanked her, taking the piece of paper into his hands and the number into his mind. With that, the room went silent again, minus the beeping and buzzing, of course.

Another long night was ahead him - maybe he could ask Cho to bring him some reading material since he was planning to stay here for an unknown period of time.

And a couch - that would be just perfect.

Yet, he took what he could get an wiggled in the chair, trying to find more desirable position and did what he did so far. He watched Lisbon´s chest raise up and down - this time on its own - that was more than enough to make him euphoric.

* * *

 _The end - at least of this chapter, I might write some more and probably will :) Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed the read._

 _(I took the liberty to name Lisbon´s parents and been kind of struggling with it for some time...I have no idea whether those are good names or not, but I tried.)_


	3. Chapter 3

There were plenty of times when Lisbon had woken up in hospital. Most of the accidents which put her there could be accounted by being a cop, then an Agent, yet some of them were just because her father crawled inside a bottle after the death of his wife.

She was never the one to back down, not even while being a kid, always protecting her younger brothers from father´s mood swings. Sometimes she was able to calm him down, and make him see the consequences of his actions. And sometimes...sometimes she had fallen down the stairs, or off the bike, or had an accident in school...It´s amazing that such a clumsy girl made it into an FBI Agent.

She was used to woke up all alone in the white hospital room, only nurses being her company. She didn´t like them fussing around her. The only nurse she wanted to fuss around her was her mom, but that couldn´t happen. Not anymore.

Yet they kept asking her questions, thinking they were so subtle. Is your daddy okay? Is he getting mad sometimes? You can tell us if so. She wanted to tell, sometimes. Knowing where it would lead, she kept her mouth shut. Separating the family she desperately wanted to save wouldn´t do any good. So despite having some really bad days, young and stubborn Teresa did what she needed to do. She got used to being alone, relying solely on herself and being the one in control. It was a lot easier that way.

This time it was different. This time she was not alone. Every time she woke up in her hospital bed, sore, tired or thirsty Jane was there to assist her anyhow he could. Every time she closed her eyes, tired and frustrated, Jane held her hand. He talked to her when she felt like it and remained silent when it was needed. He´d been there when Abbott and Cho came to visit, he stayed there when Fischer and Wylie showed up, bearing flowers and wishes for quick recovery. He was there when she sat up for the first time since the surgery, he was there when she did her first breathing exercises...he was there all the time. And he looked worse than she did.

Lisbon tried to sent him home plenty of times. She could do this on her own, she was capable of it.

Jane refused to go.

Cho brought him books and fresh clothes, he ate at the hospital cafeteria and somehow managed to sweet talk nurses into letting him to take a shower.

He argued with every person he could when Dr. Black suggested her release.

With no luck, of course.

So, only a week or so after the shooting and the surgery, Jane was the one who took her home. His lips formed a tight line while he drove the rented car and he was being extraordinary silent. After a half an hour Lisbon had enough of the silent treatment and tried to break the deafening silence.

"Jane, I´m fine."

"I´m sure you are," he replied with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. That wasn´t like him at all.

"The doctors said - "

"And doctors are always right."

Lisbon sighed.

"I wanted to go home Jane. Not just for my sake, for yours, too. Have you looked into a mirror lately? You look awful."

"...Teresa..., could you stop being a martyr just for once in your life? You´ve been shot to the chest! it´s not like you can compare it to sleeping in a sitting position for a week. I´m the one who´s fine!" he blurted out in raised voice, unable to conceal the desperation he felt.

"You don´t sound so fine to me," she replied calmly and confidently. Yeah, sure, she was shot but it was not the first time. She talked about the prognosis with Dr. Black and knew what to look out for. As long as she takes it easy for the upcoming moths, she should be all right. Staying at home, bored out of her mind, was the biggest issue that worried her until now. She underestimated the effect all of this had on Jane, evidently.

He remained silent and shrugged, trying to control his breathing.

"Wait...where are we going? Jane, you missed the turn - "

"My place. It´s closer to the hospital."

"What? You don´t have a place -"

"I do now," he replied and drove on.

* * *

Lisbon plopped herself on a comfortable looking king sized bed, kicking off her shoes in the process. She still had to take antibiotics and painkillers which made her drowsy and after the fight with Jane, she needed to lie down for a bit.

She should have stormed out of here, she really should. He rented a house for God´s sake! Without even saying a word about it. He drove her here and when she yelled at him for it, looking into his sad puppy eyes...well, that´s when she decided to stay. Jane will always be Jane. He didn´t act and react like any other person would, simply because he wasn´t any other person. If Jane was worried about her, he certainly didn´t tell her, not in words. He rented a freaking house, which was closer to the hospital than her place, and had a bathroom right to her bedroom, so no stairs were needed to climb in order to take a bath. Actions could spoke volumes, too, Lisbon thought. He stayed at her bedside through the whole week, kept her company night and day and it would be insensitive to him to say she didn´t enjoy it...she did. And she was grateful for it, too. It was actually a nice change of being on her strong own all the time - even though it made her feel a bit vulnerable.

She was grateful - beyond words. And Jane was probably scared - beyond words, too.

Maybe that´s the reason she caved. And stayed.

Still, he had no right to kidnap her and they will talk about it. After the much needed nap, of course. She crawled under the covers which smelled heavenly and had to wonder when and how Jane managed to rent a place like this on such a short notice. After a minute or so, the wonder was replaced by a blissful slumber.

* * *

Jane was tired. He hadn´t sleep properly for more than a week. His motions were slow and he started to get a bit clumsy. Tea should help him, a real tea, not the mud water he was forced to drink in the hospital cafeteria. He took out a cup and saucer, ready to perform ritual older than himself.

The ritual of making a tea.

The ritual itself soothed him, gave him something to do for a while, and as a reward, he got a hug in a cup. It was just what he needed right now. He filled the kettle with water, took out the tea and milk and grabbed the white cup which slipped through his fingers like a carefree butterfly. He watched it descend to the ground almost as if was falling in slow motion, unable to do a thing about it. It crashed on the floor making a loud bang and broke into many tiny shards.

* * *

Lisbon, asleep in her bedroom, woke up abruptly and startled. Someone broke something. Disoriented for a while, thinking she is at her place where she lives alone, she reached for the Glock which was supposed to be on her nightstand and realized there is none. No Glock. No nightstand. Worriedly, she looked around and took in her surroundings. This is not her bed. Nor her house...

The reality finally caught up with her.

She got up and followed the noise.

* * *

Jane stared at the broken cup for a while, trying to get a hold on himself. It´s just a cup. There are plenty of other cups in the cupboard. Nothing that bad had happened. All he needs to do is grab another cup and...and...

The kettle whistled.

The water was boiling.

And the cup was broken.

He continued staring at the shards of a former cup while the kettle still whistled when Lisbon entered the room.

"Jane, you okay?" she asked and he turned to face her, trying to muster up an fake smile. "I broke a cup," he said slowly. "I do apologize for disrupting Lisbon, I...I´m just a bit tired I guess... you can go back to sleep, okay? I´ll take care of this..."he said and bowed down trying to pick up the broken pieces.

"No," Lisbon said, "you go and sit down, and I´ll take care of this. Now, Jane."

"Not a chance," he said stubbornly and suddenly a small hand rubbed his back soothingly. The touch alone made him shiver. Soon, the whistling stopped, and while he picked up the broken pieces, Lisbon fished out another cup and finished the tea making ritual for him.

"Here´s your tea," she said and watched him stood up, throwing the shards into the bin, "Now, can we sit down?"

"You should get some sleep," Lisbon said to him, while he sipped on the tea she provided. He was staring in front of himself, clearly too lost in his own thoughts to listen. She sighed. Perhaps it was time to deal with the outcome of what happened.

"Jane,"

Nothing.

"Jane!"

"Huh?" he said all of sudden and tried to focus his eyes on hers. His look was empty. The bags under his eyes were black as coal. The worry lines deeper than ever - his look resembled those dark Red John times and she never wanted to see him like this, ever again.

"Jane...I´m fine, and I am going to get even better," she said and tried to smile a little, hoping it would make a difference. It didn´t. His lips quirked up a bit, but not in an amusing way. The smile never reached his eyes. He sighed and took in a deep breath, trying to brace himself for what´s coming.

"I nearly lost you," he finally spoke after a silent while, "and...I can´t just soldier up like you do, Lisbon. I can´t. Seeing you on that bed...the blood on Cho´s shirt...I...can´t...I won´t get over it so soon as you will. I´m sorry if that upsets you, but it´s the truth."

"I know it must´ve been hard on you - "

"This is not just about me, Teresa. It must´ve been hard on you too - "

"You made it a lot easier," she whispered before he could continue, "Thank you for being there with me," she continued and held his gaze.

"I wish I could say it was my pleasure," he murmured and Lisbon chuckled, feeling a bit better when she saw Jane´s mustering a real smile this time, "Thank you for not storming out of here earlier," he whispered and sipped on his tea.

"It´s just too weird Jane, even for you. You literally kidnapped me," she said and frowned on him.

"I know. I promise I´ll ask for your consent next time I try to kidnap you although it will beat the purpose of kidnapping."

"Oh, hush," she said and swatted him on his arm lightly, "the bed´s comfortable though," she continued and Jane chuckled this time.

"I knew you would like it," he replied and tried to stifle a yawn.

"Let´s go to bed, both of us, what do you say? We can talk when we are both up to it."

"Sounds good," he said and got up, washing the cup before leaving the kitchen side by side with Lisbon.

He escorted her to the bedroom, said his goodnights and went into his own room. Sleep which usually came late, made an exception tonight. The tiredness after all those desperate days won over his vigilance.

He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Seconds later, Lisbon tip-toed into Jane´s room and ensured herself that he is in fact asleep. She couldn´t resist tucking him in before going back to her room. Maybe giving him a sleeping pill was too much, but if it will help him sleep through the whole night, it was worth it. They both needed the rest, not just her. And he deserved a little payback for all this rented house crap.

Lisbon went back to her room and thought about Jane before falling asleep. He never acted like this when she got hurt before - there were other things on his mind back then. He was worried, yes, but...not this crazy type worried.

Why change his behavior now?

Is it because this...accident, was actually a life-threatening one, or...is there something more to it?

Is there any chance he feels the same way about her as she feels about him?

She wanted Cho to tell him something before everything went black. Facing the possibility of never seeing him again, she needed him to know how she feels and felt about him, for ages.

Lisbon finally fell asleep trying to decide whether the outcome would be better or worse if she managed to give Cho the message.

 _Only one way to find out_ , was her last coherent thought.

* * *

 _Thank you for reading and your kind reviews :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, which was a bit of sad and angsty...it will probably get a little better in the upcoming chapters._


	4. Chapter 4

_"I seriously think you should stop doing this Patrick -"_

 _"You" seriously think that? Well, Angie, I beg to differ. What I´m doing is putting food on our the table. A roof over our heads -"_

 _"Any job could do that...I wanted to leave that life and you promised we would, so did you lie to me? To make me go with you, because if -"_

 _"I didn´t lie to you! We have left that life. We are no longer nomads without home, now, are we?"_

 _"No, but -"_

 _"But? But what? I do what I do because I´m good at it. Better than anyone in the business. It pays the bills, literally!"_

 _"And that´s supposed to be good? That you are best at deceiving people? Taking their money in exchange for false hope and nothing else? Isn´t that the reason you wanted to leave in the first place?"_

 _"I...listen. I know this is hard -"_

 _"Another mail came in today. I spent the whole day worrying sick about you!"_

 _"A mail?"_

 _"A threat, actually."_

 _"Where is it?"_

 _"Does it matter? Look...I simply can´t live like this..."_

 _"Angela, where is the mail?"_

 _"It´s in the trash can."_

 _"Have you read it?"_

 _"Of course I have!"_

 _"You shouldn´t, it was clearly addressed to me -"_

 _"Yes, it was! But this is not just about you! And I read it because I had a suspicion it was one of those letters again. You know how I feel every day stuck in here? All alone , only with Charlotte? If somebody ever tried to visit you instead of sending you a letter -"_

 _"They won´t."_

 _"How can you be so sure of it Patrick? How?"_

 _"Simply. I just am. I thought you trusted me."_

 _"...I used to. I´m not so sure about it anymore."_

 _"Angela -"_

 _"You once told me that you never wanted to turn into him...take a good look into the mirror, Patrick. And let me know who you saw."_

* * *

 ** _Few days later_**

 _"So you´re going on that show after all," she says, the defeat in her voice evident._

 _"Yes, I am. A lot of people are counting on me, Angie."_

 _"Yeah. That´s what I used to do, too,"_

 _"C´mon Angela, not this again..."_

 _" Don´t worry Patrick. I have already gave up so do whatever you want to do."_

 _"I don´t want to do it. I have to do it. It´s my only marketable skill -"_

 _"That´s what you think."_

 _"That´s what I know. I can provide you with anything and everything you want and need. I make it possible for our daughter to have what we never had - a home, stability, a place to call her own. "_

 _"She misses you."_

 _"I know," he says, unhappily and bows his head down. "I miss her too. And after the show, I promise to spend more time with both of you, okay?"_

 _"I promise," he repeats his own words, and smiles a reassuring smile hoping it will cheer his wife up._

 _"Okay," she finally says, doubt written all over her face._

 _"Don´t wait up, I´ll be late tonight."_

 _"I know," she says sounding sad._

 _"I´m going to say good bye to Charlotte,"_

 _"Don´t wake her up if she´s already sleeping," she calls after him, knowing how bad their daughter falls asleep._

 _"I won't."_

* * *

 ** _Later that night_**

 _The bell rings and Angela sighs. Who can it be this late? She can´t care less - it´s not Patrick for sure, he would just punch in the code and let himself in._

 _She remains seated, watching TV, when the bell rings again._

 _"Damn," she mutters to herself. Whoever it is, he´s going to wake Charlotte up and that´s the last thing she wants._

 _She gets up, irritated and just a little worried. Those threats were coming to their home for a reason. She glances out of the window and her heart starts to beat like crazy._

 _There is a police officer standing outside._

 _She rushes to the door and hopes that nothing bad has happened to Patrick on his way home._

 _She punches the code and opens the door and hopes dearly it´s just a mistake._

 _"What´s going on?" she asks without even thinking about decency, the worries stronger that her upbringing._

 _"Good evening Miss, I´m sorry to bother you this late. We had a call about breaking in entering in this neighborhood and I´m checking on the residents. Have you heard anything? Or seen anything?"_

 _"Oh? No, I...no. Haven´t heard or seen anything," she says, visibly relieved._

 _The man smiles and the relief vanishes from her face._

 _"Well, that´s a shame. But you will darling. And so will your husband."_

 _"Uh, sorry? What are you talking about? I don´t have a husband, I live alone" she says and backs a little, as she tries to close the door, but the man is stronger than her. Way stronger._

 _"You shouldn´t open door to strangers, darling. Especially not to me. So many mistakes you and your husband do, it makes me wonder how did you come so far."_

 _"I have money, gold, anything you want..."she bargains as the man pushes the door open. She knows this is bad. Very bad. Her thoughts turn to their daughter sleeping soundlessly in her room, and she swallows hard._

 _"I´m not really interested in money and gold. And now...let´s get ready, shall we? Patrick is going to be home soon and I wanted this to be a surprise."_

* * *

 _Angela was right, after all._

 _Someone did come to their house instead of sending a threat. Actually, he came to delivered something else beside the threat. Something that has been haunting him for over a decade._

 _You can´t really have hopes and dreams after seeing what Patrick Jane saw._

 _Hope?_

 _Hope turns into guilt and sorrow._

 _Dreams?_

 _Dreams turns into nightmares._

 _Just like the one he was having right now._

* * *

Lisbon was woke up in the middle of the night, hearing strange noises coming from somewhere...somewhere else then her room. Sleepy and just a little aching, she got up leaving her instincts to lead the way. She tip toed around every obstacle the room thrown at her, her eyes still half shut. She made her way into the hallway and followed the noise into Jane´s bedroom finding out the source.

It was Jane.

He was evidently not having a good night´s sleep. The blanket covering him rose and fell as he tried to fight it, panting like he was having a real fight.

Perhaps he was.

Her instincts won over her coherent mind which was still a bit toned down by all those painkillers and antibiotics and she slid under the same blanket Jane was. He nearly elbowed her right into the chest which would´ve resulted in...well, a situation she would like to avoid so before he could repeat the same move, she grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers with fought that too, for a bit while, squeezing her tiny hand hard, yet she endured it, whispering soothing words into the gloomy silent room.

He calmed down seconds later, probably just thanks to hearing her voice.

Lisbon felt sadness seeping through her whole body by realizing how many nights like this had he endured all alone, on his own. How many times he thought that this is what he deserves.

Too many, she thought.

Well, that´s about to change.

She scooted closer to him, brushing his damp curls away , an action she denied just to think about in the past few years.

"It´s okay Jane," she whispered soothingly to him when he flinched at her touch, "It´s just me..."

"T´resa...?"

"Yeah, It´s me. Sleep Jane."

"..."

"Sure thing," she replied to his inaudible mutterings, still stroking his damp hair. "Just sleep, I´ll stay here with you, don´t worry."

And she did stay. It was only fair. He stayed by her bedside for over a week, she could stay with him this one night. He rarely lowered his guard, if ever. There were so many times he could have easily collapsed like a house of cards, yet he didn´t.

Always the same answers - I´m fine. Absolutely. One hundredth percent fine. Don´t worry Lisbon.

She hardly believed him back then. He was...is just too good liar to get caught. This time it´s different. She couldn´t do anything about his emotional well being back then, with the Red John threat hanging over their heads, while now, now she can.

He could refuse her help, like he did many times in the past, and she will have to deal with that. Right now though, as he was holding her hand, breathing calmly, evidently free of whatever nightmare he was having, Lisbon didn´t dare to think about any kind of refusal.

Her own eyes were closing slowly as she fought the fatigue with her best effort, but it was a lost battle from the start.

Perhaps those doctors and nurses were right. She needs to rest for her body to heal fully - she was in fact shot. Her own mind didn´t acknowledge what could´ve easily happened during these couple of days in the hospital and the realization just popped up. She could´ve died back there, in Cho´s arms.

She shivered despite the heat from both the blanket and Jane. Being a cop carried such risks and she knew them damn well, but still...

Knowing those risks and actually going through one of them is not the same thing. It makes you appreciate certain things more. Things and persons. Persons lying next to her right now, for example. She sighed tiredly and scooted even closer to Jane, who was seemingly still deeply asleep. However, somehow, he must´ve felt her presence and shifted in his sleep, embracing her in a soft hug. It felt good, no surprise there.

"Night, Jane..." she whispered and yawned closing her eyes.

" _Love you_ ," she whispered as quietly as she could, knowing the truth now.

" _Love you too_ ," he murmured groggily and held her even tighter.

* * *

 _Jane exhaled loudly in his sleep. The nightmare has ended, finally. His mind was blank, even if it was only for a while. A while he needs desperately. He was starting to be too tired to function properly as a human being._

 _He heard Lisbon whispering to him and that must´ve been a dream, too. She spoke to him with that soothing voice of hers and he thanked his own subconscious for coming up with such an elaborate plan to calm him down._

 _Her voice. Just the fact that he was able to hear it again calmed him down._

 _She told him that she loved him._

 _Well, that was a dream for sure. A beautiful dream, to be honest, yet still just a dream._

 _"Love you too," he whispered to what he thought was dream Lisbon, oblivious to the woman lying next to him._

* * *

Lisbon´s eyes opened wide with shock.

What did he just say?

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the read even though it was quite short - it´s for a reason. The next chapter will be longer, I promise :) Thank you for your feedback and for reading too, of course :)


	5. Chapter 5

Lisbon stared at Jane for about good five minutes, lost for words. Not that it mattered, Jane - being an insomniac through those long years, finally got a hold on good night sleep. Maybe it had something to do with the sleepless, physically and emotionally tiring week, or the fact that someone was there for him when he needed it...

Either way, he was asleep and even if Lisbon wanted desperately to talk, some part of her was happy that she couldn´t.

What would she say to him?

Those few words muttered in his sleep might change their lives forever.

Or they might not.

Who knows? Maybe those words weren´t meant for her.

Maybe he was dreaming about Angela and those words were meant for her.

Or maybe he wasn´t.

Only one thing was sure - Lisbon had no idea who he was dreaming about.

Yet, both outcomes were equally terrifying.

She knew how unreturned love feels. She knew it pretty damn well. Her life prepared her for the feeling all too soon. It was a lot easier to accept life without the ultimate happiness than wishing for it. Because in the end, no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, some stories just don´t have happy endings. Some just have endings. Endings which could be gruesome, ugly, uncalled for, sad, desperate and she seen it all. Her hope for a normal, happy life disappeared a long time ago.

Well, maybe not completely.

There was still a place in her mind where the smidgen of hope lingered, however she rarely dared to go there. And every time she ventured _there_ , the reality came crushing back.

Still, she was not alone in that special place of hers.

Few years ago, when Patrick Jane entered her life, somehow, he managed to snuck himself up there, with that blue cup of his, those blond curls of his and with that smile, or smirk, or whatever. She tried to get rid of him, tried to sent him away but Patrick Jane is not the one to listen. So he stayed. As years went by, she got used to him, and eventually, she let him stay. He caused her trouble, heartbreak, he made her feel fear beyond understanding, yet, she let him stay. It was worth all of it. Because in the end, Jane made her feel like no one ever did.

No one ever will.

Now, it was almost unimaginable to not to have him there.

Not to have him here.

This man, this one single man managed to change so many lives for better.

Without him, Red John would probably still run freely, spreading despair and fear among those he chose. That one punch to the nose he took years ago might just have saved so many people from knowing what true despair feels like.

What if he hadn´t done that?

Lisbon blinked.

She would probably had to put up with Hannigan instead of Jane. That would be way less entertaining and lot more sweaty...

Rigsby would probably never met Van Pelt. Their love would never grown.

Cho would be short of one true and loyal friend whom he trust.

A lot of people would never have found the justice for their loved ones.

And Lisbon?

What would become of her?

She never really thought about it.

Life without Jane was almost unimaginable. He had made himself part of her life, he filled a space that was hollow before. Those 18 months he spent in Venezuela gave her a preview of what it might look like. She didn´t like it one bit. A lonely cop married to her career, with no one to look for when she got home.

There was a possibility of meeting someone new, she knew that.

She also knew that it would be impossible not to compare any man she might meet with Jane. He did set a really high standard. Besides, she was quite sure, she wouldn´t be able to love any man like she loved Jane, not after knowing him. Not after spending a decade with him. Not after fighting by his side, not after helping him get his revenge.

He was the light in her darkness, even if the light sometimes gave up and she had to make him shine again.

"Damn you, Jane," she muttered, dabbing at her eyes which became misty all of sudden.

As much as she was happy to know him, to be his friend, she knew what led to their meeting.

To be honest, if she could, she would trade that one particular life affirming meeting with no meeting at all.

The reason behind it was simple enough.

Without the tragedy, he would live a normal life. He would be able to see his daughter grow up, be able to grow old with his wife...have happy memories alongside with good dreams instead of nightmares and decade long hunt ending with murder on his hands.

Free of all of this, the weight of the world not on his shoulders. His biggest problem would be Charlotte dating bad boys.

Oblivious to the pain and suffering in this world, Patrick Jane would be happy.

Lisbon was not sure what if her life would be a happy one.

Perhaps not.

Still, she would trade it.

She kept staring at him when a single tear appeared on her cheek. She wiped it away with a shaky hand while taking in a long breath. Fighting the urge to sob, Lisbon let Jane´s hand slip out of hers and got up, ready to go back to her bedroom.

She saw no point in staying with him anymore. He seemed calm, content and she...well, she really didn´t want to wake him up, not in her current state.

She stood up and brushed one of his wild curls away.

Jane, seemingly in deep sleep, opened his eyes.

"Lisbon?" he muttered and sat up, rubbing his eyes, "is that you?"

Lisbon, biting her lip, turned around and faced the disoriented looking Jane. His face said it all. There was no way he remembered those words uttered in his sleep. At least he didn´t have to pretend to be too hyped up to remember this time, she thought.

"You had a nightmare so I came to check on you," she said leaving everything else behind and sat back down. "You´re okay?"

Jane, still a bit tone down, nodded. "Yes I´m fine..., uh, I do apologize for waking you up."

"It´s nothing, really," she said and stood up, "I´m going back to my bedroom, okay?"

"Okay, yeah...sure," he mumbled and watched her leave.

"Go get some more sleep, you look like you need it," she added and smiled a little reassuring while leaving Jane´s bedroom. The smile left her face as soon as she closed the door. She went back to her room through the dark hallway, and plopped down on the bed, feeling down.

Seconds passed, then minutes. Then, an hour. She had her eyes closed this whole time wishing for sleep to come. It didn´t. Her mind just wouldn´t shut up. What ifs and constant wondering of all sorts lingered in her mind. Until one particular thought occurred to her.

If he pain of rejection is acute, then the pain of regret is chronic.

She could deal with a possible rejection. She did it once before.

What she couldn´t deal with anymore was the constant wondering what if...?

What if he meant what he said?

What if those words were meant for her?

What if he was the man that could make her happy? And she was the woman that could make him whole again?

She would regret not knowing this for the rest of her life.

That´s way worse than being an emotional mess for a few days.

She needed to know.

They both deserved that.

Her eyes opened wide open, and she got up with a determined look. Her heart raced and she was quite aware of that it shouldn´t, not in her condition. However she couldn´t help it. The walk through her bedroom and the hall seemed to take forever and yet she was holding the door knob too fast anyway. She took a deep breath once again ready to face what´s lied behind them.

As it turned out, Jane was lying behind them. Well, not really behind them. He was sprawled on the bed, hugging the blanket he was supposed to be covered with.

Watching him sleep like this, Lisbon almost regretted having to interrupt him. But this was important. She sat down next to him just like she did an hour ago, whispering his name in a vain attempt to wake him up. It took her longer than she thought but eventually, Jane opened his eyes, giving her a tired look. It was a tired look at first, a look which transformed into worrying one quite quickly.

"Lisbon? What is it? Are you okay?" he blurted out and she nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, I´m fine, don´t worry..."

He gave her a rather confused look and she sighed.

"I need to know something, Jane..." she mumbled and he sat up, giving her full attention.

"Yes?" he asked, now fully awake.

She kept silent for a while, just staring at rather curious looking Jane.

"Teresa...?"

"Uh, right...look, you said something in your sleep," she mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Jane blinked, "O-kay..."

"You...you don´t remember, right?"

"Not particularly..." he said giving her an apologizing look.

"Okay, um..."

"Wait...," he whispered.

And his mind was back at his old kitchen table, arguing with Angela. He shrugged a little reliving one of the worst memories he had stored in the memory palace. And then...he remembered. Lisbon being there, her soothing voice, those words he thought were just a dream...

And his own words uttered back.

Lisbon was not the only one with heart racing anymore. He stared right into her green eyes, silently, thinking.

"I remember," he said loud and clear.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Lisbon blinked away tears threatening to fall down her cheek.

"Did you mean what you said?" she asked, not really ready to hear the answer, yet eager to finally know the truth.

It´s been long time coming .

* * *

 _Thanks for reading :) And I have to be honest, I have trouble with keeping up with my stories these days...during the last couple of days such amazing stories came up and once I read them I realized that...well, I kind of suck. And I´m not writing this because I want more reviews or anything like that...it´s just, the other stories were like a great gourment dinner, really tasty and well server and my stories...well, they´re more like a cheap pizza that you put in the oven when you don´t have time for cooking...still, I tried. Hope you liked it a little bit._


	6. Chapter 6

_I´ve meant what I said, Teresa!" His angry voice echoed through the living room. Young Teresa, standing in front of the couch, with her hands behind her back and head down, nodded, "I know. I´m sorry, but -"_

 _"I´ve had it enough with your stupid excuses! When I tell you to do something, I expect you do it!" He yelled some more, hitting the table with his fist, making the empty beer can jumping up and down, until eventually, it fell down._

 _"Pick that up!"_

 _Teresa knelt down hurriedly, picking the can up._

 _"See? You are capable of doing what I tell you, aren´t you? Go get me another one."_

 _She didn´t wait for him to emphasize his request and run to the fridge._

 _She threw the empty one into trash and hurried back with a full one._

 _"Here -"_

 _"Now, clean this place up like I asked you yesterday, it´s a disgrace!" he said quite angrily while opening his third beer, "Where are the boys?"_

 _"Football training. I´ll pick them up later."_

 _"Don´t wake me up when you all come back, or you´ll see..."_

 _"We won´t." She was sure of that. She and boys knew pretty damn well what waking their drunk father lead to. Usually to wearing long sleeved shirts even if it was warm outside._

 _"Get to work. I can´t do everything around here, I swear to God..." he mumbled angrily while turning on the TV. By the time Teresa went to pick up her brothers, he gulped down another four cans. She threw them away, tidied the place up a bit - as much as she could, trying to be as quiet as possible. Soon enough, he was snoring loudly._

 _Whole living room smelled like a freaking saloon, she has found cigarette butts under the couch, unable to deduce how long they´ve been there. She took away his half empty pack before leaving to pick her brothers up. The last thing they all need now is her father lighting another cig inside and falling asleep with it._

 _She glanced at him one last time before leaving, watching the man she once admired and loved lying on a couch, wearing an old ragged t-shirt, distressed jeans and an untrimmed mustache. He had a TV remote in his hand, that somehow got stuck there, or it was defying the laws of gravity. Either way, it didn´t fell off of his hand._

 _His lips were moving. "I´ve meant...what...I said..., you´ll see..."_

 _Teresa shook her head and left the place she once called home, wondering if this is the way life really is._

* * *

"I´ve meant what I said."

Same words, uttered years later. Same words yet their meaning was completely different.

And that was it. Her whole life came together in front of her eyes. The early struggle with losing a parent and then becoming a substitute one. Her father slowly fading out in front of her eyes, turning from a loving parent to unrecognizable feared man. Her brothers being so dependable on her that it drove her crazy and she had to leave. Another struggle with becoming who she was today. The day she broke her engagement off, feeling trapped again, the day she became a SFPD Detective and then the day she finally became an CBI Senior Agent in charge.

All those cases which almost made her lost the hope for anything good in life.

Long hours she worked, trying to find some meaning in all the evil in this world.

All the nights she spent alone, or with an occasional one night stands...wondering if this is it.

The day Patrick Jane came to her life. All those days, good and bad, sweet and sour, that they had shared together. Their desperate hunt for Red John, and then, the end.

Red John killed by Jane´s own hands.

Her cell phone ringing.

She couldn´t pick it up it back then.

CBI falling down, Jane leaving...her life falling apart again...

The first letter that arrived making her cry for the whole night, just because he was in fact alive and well.

The second letter...

All of them.

And Jane coming back.

The present time was not as easy to comprehend at the moment. She wasn´t just shocked. She was lost for words. All those years, years of hard work that usually hardly paid off, led them to this moment.

She was never the type to believe in fairytale and all that _everything will be all right in the end_ crap. That was reserved for someone who hasn´t seen the worst in people. Which she did. From an early age. Slowly, her mind was coming to the terms with the whole being alone situation. She was kind of used to it.

But now, with Patrick Jane by her side, uttering those words, her life took an interesting turn.

She loved him too. For too long to be honest.

"You...you do?"

A simple "Yes," and nothing more made her eyes misty.

Despite the darkness in the room, she could see that it wasn´t just her eyes that became misty all of sudden.

Her whole life was about taking care of others. First, her brothers and a drunken father, later anyone who needed it. And now, there was a man beside her, a man she would never dream to with, taking care of her. Staying by her bedside till she woke up, during those long days she spent unconscious on the hospital. Worrying sick about her. Renting a freaking house just for her, just to make sure she was safe.

A man who loves her.

Just the way she is.

For the first time in ages she let it all go, letting Jane see her vulnerable and scared. A side of her no one was allowed to witness. Until now.

He witnessed it knowing precisely what do to - the same.

Their guards lowered down, feeling exposed, they finally let the love be where it belongs.

Between them.

"I love you too," she mumbled, already in his arms.

And when Jane whispered those words back to her, she finally realized that there is in fact hope.

It´s just been waiting for the right time.

 ** _Three months later_**

"Everything looks good Teresa -"

"Does that mean that I can go back to work?"

Jane raised an eyebrow at her.

Dr. Black just smiled, "Well, yes -"

"Finally -"

"Are you sure Doc?"

"Part time only. Four hours a day for starters and desk duty only. At least for another month. After that, we´ll see."

Lisbon´s smile faded.

Jane´s smile grew.

"Is that really necessary?" Lisbon asked, clearly annoyed.

"Yes. The healing process takes time. You need to avoid stressful situations and situations that would require any excessive physical activity. You still need to rest Teresa. Regain your strength, so to say."

Lisbon shifted uncomfortably. She was hoping for something different. Three months of doing nothing has taken a toll on her mental state. Part time might not be the greatest thing, however she will take anything she can get.

"Okay, fine. Whatever you say," she huffed, feeling defeated.

"That´s my girl," Jane muttered so only she could hear it. The face she made at him was an answer on its own.

* * *

"Another month of just sitting around doing nothing?"

"It´s for your own good, Teresa. You´ll be back in no time, it´s just takes time, as you´ve been told."

Multiple times, he wanted to add, yet, he didn´t. It wasn´t easy - keeping her entertained for the past three months. Jane tried, he really did. However, he was still working with the FBI and some days he had to leave their little place, to catch the bad guys.

All while Lisbon was left home alone, with nothing to do, literally. There´s not enough house chores do to, not enough books to read or TV shows to watch, to keep herself occupied.

And she was starting to get restless.

"I´m fine! I need to go back to work, doing nothing is driving me crazy Jane! You´re my witness..." she whined.

"You´re coming back on Monday. And to brighten up your mood, I must say I did create some paperwork to do, just for you," he said jokingly, "You´ll have plenty of work on your desk duty, trust me."

"Great. Now you made me regret my decision. I don´t want to go back to work only to cover your irresponsible ass. I did my share of that in the past," she muttered while fiddling with the radio.

Jane chuckled. "It will be fun, you´ll see."

"Yeah, right...can´t wait."

* * *

 ** _Later that night_**

Cho was sitting on a comfortable chair with a glass of cold beer in his hands, feeling stuffed. Wasn´t there a thing Jane couldn´t do?. After a delicious home-made dinner, a thing Cho wasn´t used to have at home, he spent some time observing Lisbon´s living room.

Jane, Lisbon and Fischer had a heated debate about the latest case. Well, not heated, but interesting nonetheless. It was obvious that Lisbon missed her work, being locked up inside this little place for over three months. And it wasn´t the only obvious thing. During the past three months, Jane was on his best behavior. Sure, there were cases where his antics were simply needed and he did them - not just to catch the culprit as Cho realized now. He hadn´t said a word about living with Lisbon. There was only a tiny mention that she is leaving the rented house and coming back home. The fact that he´s coming with her was somehow forgotten to mention.

It was a secret.

Up until now, at least.

It was simple.

There was an edition of the Complete Sherlock Holmes on the book shelf which obviously belonged to Jane. Apart from other books Cho knew Lisbon didn´t own...

Jane was sipping tea from a very interesting blue cup.

Blue cup he used in the old CBI days, a cup that´s been broken and now has been brought back to life with some glue and a huge determination.

Cho had no idea that Lisbon kept those pieces. Until now.

He even get a quick peek into the trash can, while disposing the beer can Jane provided. It was full of used tea bags. Lots and lots of them.

Lisbon was blushing when he and Fischer walked in before. And Jane was simply smiling.

They seemed happy.

Cho shifted a little to get more comfortable and smiled too, one of his rare tiny smiles. No one really noticed it, as they were still lost in the conversation.

So, it finally happened.

Damn, he thought to himself. He owns a fifty to Rigsby.

And to Van Pelt.

Sitting comfortably, sipping his second beer, Cho reached to the TV remote and turned the thing on. He didn´t really wanted to get into the conversation as he kept his private life and work life separated. Most of the time anyways.

This time, he let the three of them jumping into conclusions and let himself watch the sports channel uninterrupted.

It was indeed a nice evening.

They said their goodbyes few hours later, thanking Jane for the invite and dinner.

Once Cho stepped outside and put his jacket on, Fischer could no longer keep her mouth closed.

"So..." she started, making Cho sigh silently.

"Yeah?"

"They´ve finally hit it off," she proclaimed, smiling.

"Yeah, I guess," Cho muttered, fishing his keys out of the pocket.

"Good for them. They seems happy," Fischer replied, unlocking her own car, "Night Cho. See you at work."

"Night Fischer."

Cho sat into his Mustang, thinking about the day when the shooting happened. He shivered involuntarily, remembering the dread seeping through his body as he watched one of the few persons he trusts and admires the most vanishing in front of his eyes.

She survived.

She´s happy.

Jane´s happy.

As long as Cho is concerned, he is happy as well.

Fischer was right. Good for them. They both deserve it.

Cho´s lips quirked up a bit and he drove away, feeling pretty damn good for a change.

* * *

"Do you think they´ve...noticed?" Lisbon asked while filling the dishwasher.

Jane, picking up glassed from the living room table, just smiled.

"They´re too good detectives not to notice," he called from the living room.

Lisbon sighed. That was true. And they weren´t really trying to hide their new living arrangements. Jane and her were living together, that was a fact. The day she left the rented house and came back here, Jane showed no interested in going back to his Airstream.

To be honest, she didn´t mind at all. She had imagined that it might be hard, at least in the beginning, since both of them were set in their own ways and lived alone for the biggest part of their lives...

She was wrong, however.

After three months spent with Patrick Jane in a more closer proximity than she was used to, she couldn´t imagine not to live him anymore.

And Jane seemed to feel the same way.

"You´re worried. I don´t like it when you´re worried. It makes me worry, too. And I do not like to worry, Teresa..." he muttered.

"Maybe they didn´t notice..."

"Judging by the grin Fischer been sporting through the whole evening, and the face Cho made when he realized that he owns money to Rigsby, I think they are pretty enlightened about us."

Lisbon frowned. "What money?"

"From a bet."

"A bet?"

Jane rolled his eyes at her. "Yes, Teresa. A bet. I do believe it´s been going on for some time."

"You don´t think they would bet on us being together -"

"Well, that´s exactly what they´ve done."

"You´re kidding me," she whispered, leaving the dishes behind.

"No. It´s nice if you think about it. Shame we couldn´t join them back then, we could have made a lot of cash -"

"Jane!"

"I´m just kidding, Teresa. I truly had no idea that my life could be this perfect again...nor that I deserve it." he said quietly, sincerely and a little ashamed. He was still getting use to terms with all of this and found it hard to believe that he deserves another chance. It was an inner fight, but Lisbon could see right through it.

"Come here, you," she muttered, knowing precisely well that talking is not always the remedy in situations like these. She didn´t speak, just hugged him tightly. They spent a few moments like this, just being there for each other.

He listened to her heart beat, feeling it on his own body.

She survived so much in her life.

So did he.

Their lives might be a little stalled when it came to happiness, but once they found did, none of them was going to let it go away.

Not anymore.

"I love you, Patrick Jane," she muttered, stroking his hair.

"Love you too," he whispered back, lost in the best feeling in the world. Having someone to care about you as much as you care about them.

* * *

 _Well, this chapter was written during my day off - in a haste. So I do apologize for any mistakes and I do hope you enjoyed reading it. The story it´s still not complete, yet. Let me know if you liked. Or disliked it. Thanks :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_M rated chapter ahead, but nothing really that explicit. If you do not enjoy M-rated stories, you can skip this chapter - it is not linked to the upcoming chapter. The first part takes place in Jane´s and Lisbon´s past. The second part is them now._

* * *

 _Jane_

 _It is almost midnight. The night is not dark at all. The moon is illuminating their way through the forest. Her hair shines in the moonlight and Patrick had to admit it - she looks like an angel in that white dress of hers._

 _It´s warm. Too warm for such a late hour. He is sweating. Maybe, just maybe, not entirely from the heat. She on the other hand seems to be enjoying the weather._

 _"It´s so warm. I think I am going for a swim," she says in that angelic voice of hers._

 _Angela. A fitting name for sure._

 _"I don´t think that you´re equipped for such an occasion," young Patrick says._

 _She turns to face him._

 _"Sheesh, you´re no fun Patrick Jane," she says and grins._

 _Soon enough, they reach the lake._

 _He helps her lay the blanket on the ground._

 _"It´s so nice in here. So calm."_

 _"Yes," is all he could say back quite hoarsely. If his father finds out that he snuck out in the middle of the night with a that Ruskin girl again, he would be in trouble. Big trouble._

 _She walks to the lake. The water is calm, the moon reflecting on its surface._

 _"Water´s fine," she says with a smile. "Are you in?"_

 _Patrick turns his head to side. "In for what?"_

 _"Swimming, silly. Here," she turn her back to him, "unzip me."_

 _He clears his throat. "I don´t think that is a good idea Angie."_

 _"Fine. I´ll unzip it myself."_

 _And she does._

 _The white summer dress falls to her ankles. She steps out of it._

 _Patrick swallows hard. Her skin is as white as the dress and the moonlight is making her even whiter. She is shining, he thinks to himself._

 _And she´s standing in front of him, with nothing more on than her panties and bra._

 _She chuckles._

 _"You are staring at me Patrick Jane. I can see you. Stop that. Let´s go, I really want to swim," and with that, she ran towards the water._

 _Patrick sighs. "Fine. Anything for you Angie." He undresses himself and soon, he stands there only in his boxer shorts, feeling too exposed for his liking._

 _Angela is already swimming._

 _He follows her into water._

 _It´s quite cold and he is glad for that. Biofeedback only works so far. Cold water might be a better solution for the bulge growing in his boxer shorts._

 _"What are you waiting for?"_

 _"It´s quite cold," he calls after her._

 _"Chicken!"_

 _"Am not," he says and jumps in. The cold liquid strokes every nerve in his body. He swims closer to her. And she laughs_

 _"Too slow, buddy."_

 _And she´s gone._

 _"Angie? Where are you?" he asks worriedly._

 _Something touches his leg. He yells. Just like a girl._

 _She emerges from under the water behind him, laughing. "I scared you didn´t I?"_

 _He chuckles and turns to face her. Her hair is wet, and she is smiling that beautiful smile of hers. "Yes you did. Bravo." he says quite embarrassed._

 _She stares at him. "Kiss me," she whispers all of sudden._

 _Patrick´s heart skips a beat. "N...Now?"_

 _"No, wait another hour...of course now Patrick."_

 _They´ve kissed before, lots of times actually. Still, he feels that not enough of cold water would stop his boxers becoming even tighter if he kisses her now._

 _"Uh, I -"_

 _She presses her lips against his, seeking admission with her tongue._

 _Patrick opens his mouth just a little letting her have it her way. She tastes like cotton candy and tea and everything he loves. Her hands trails down his bare chest and lower, too low. Yet, he can´t stop her. He don´t want to stop her._

 _The kisses became more frenzied._

 _And then, she stops._

 _He stares at her, trying to catch his breath._

 _"Do you love me? she asks with a curious face._

 _"Of course I do, you know that." he replies without hesitation._

 _"You´re right, I do."_

 _There is something more on her mind, he could tell._

 _"Just ask," he whispers, staring into those brown eyes of hers._

 _"Will you run away with me Patrick?"_

 _He nods. "I will." Of course he will. There is nothing he wants more._

 _She smiles. "I want to be with you Patrick. I...want you to be mine."_

 _"I am yours."_

 _Her hand trails even lower making him gasp._

 _"Angie..."_

 _"Follow me," she whispers. So he does. She is like a siren calling the lonely sailor. He can´t resist her. No matter how hard he had tried. No matter how much beating he suffered for being with her. Nothing matters to him, just the girl who turned into woman just a few days ago._

 _She steps out of water, shedding the rest of her clothing on the way. The sight is breathtaking._

 _She is so beautiful, and only God knows why she chose him in the first place._

 _"Get naked," she orders and despite the shock, he lowers his boxer shorts down._

 _"And come here," she whispers._

 _She lays down on the blanket, wet from the swim and a shiver run through her body._

 _Patrick follows her. He is shivering as well._

 _"You really want to do this now?" he asks, already knowing why she brought him here._

 _"Yes. I want you to be my first. My last. My everything," she murmurs, snuggling closer to him._

 _His breath hitches. "I want that, too."_

 _"Good. Kiss me again," she whispers directly into his ear. Her hot breath makes him shiver even more._

 _They kiss. Relentlessly. Hungrily._

 _They make love for the first time under the moonlight._

 _Later, they stand up with shy grins on their faces. He helps her zip her dress up._

 _"Thank you," she says and he knows she is thanking him for more than helping her dress up._

 _"My pleasure," he murmurs, placing a soft kiss on her neck._

 _They make their way back to the carnival in a silent awe, both too overwhelmed to talk . She kisses him when their reach the carnival, ready to make her way back to her trailer._

 _"I love you," he whispers to her one more time. She smiles. And leaves._

 _Smiling, Patrick walks to his own trailer, a so called home. He has no idea that Alex Jane was watching the two of them emerging from the forest. The door opens before he can reach for the handle._

 _"Where have you been, son?" Alex asks._

 _Patrick´s smile fades. The happy memory of their first love making is replaced with fear and dread._

 _"Out for a walk. Couldn´t sleep," he mutters standing in front of his father._

 _He´s angry. And drunk. The worst combination._

 _"Walk, eh? I don´t think you went for a walk Paddy. I saw you with that stupid Ruskin girl -"_

 _"She is not stupid!," Patrick says angrily._

 _"Oh. I see. Well, son, she must be if she spends time with you! Get in! Now!"_

 _Patrick steps into the trailer._

 _Alex closes the door behind with a loud bang._

 _"I told you to stay away from her Paddy."_

 _Patrick remains silent. There is not much he could say or do. Anything will be held against him, as always._

 _"Where were you? Why is your hair wet?"_

 _"Went for a swim." Patrick says and blushes, unable to control his emotions._

 _Alex flashes him an furious look. He knows. Patrick can tell. He can always tell._

 _"Are you out of your damned mind Paddy? Damn it! I swear to God kid if I see you with her one more time -"_

 _"Then what dad? What will you do then? Because I am sure you will see us together again. I love her!" he finally snaps._

 _"You don´t know what love is son," he says through gritted teeth._

 _"Yeah, well neither do you!"_

 _A fist hits his face. Hard. He stumbles against the tiny table._

 _"You want to know what I´ll do? This! I will do this! Again and again, until you finally start to use that damned head of yours! How many times do I need to beat the crap out of you to make you understand?"_

 _Patrick spits out a bit of blood. "I don´t care! Do it! Do it! Punch me again and again and I won´t care! I´ve had enough of this you bastard!" he yells and takes a swing at his own father._

 _For the first time in his life._

 _And he misses._

 _Alex ducks._

 _"You missed you fucking sissy! You can´t even fight like a proper man, can you? Nah, you can´t! Yet you are talking about love! You know what son?" he says and grabs struggling Patrick by his shirt, "Go take another walk you damned idiot!" he yells and threw his son out of the trailer._

 _Patrick hits the ground._

 _"And stay out! I don´t want to see you until tomorrow, when you will perform son! Oh, you will. Or else!"_

 _Another loud bang echoes in the silent summer night when Alex slams the door behind him. Patrick lays there on the dirty ground for a while. "Damn it," he mutters. He will need make-up for his tomorrow show for sure. He composes himself as best he can and stands up._

 _"Patrick...?" someone call his name. "Are you all right?"_

 _Angela._

 _He turns around. She gasps. "You´re bleeding!"_

 _"It´s nothing," he says, wiping the blood from his lip away. "Really Angela. Don´t worry about me."_

 _"Come here," she mutters, "You can sleep with me."_

 _"That´s not necessary. It won´t do any good for any of us."_

 _"But -"_

 _"You know how your folks feels about me Angie."_

 _"Okay, I am staying with you then," she says stubbornly._

 _"Angie -"_

 _"Let´s go back to the lake. We can lie the blanket down on the ground again and keep ourselves warm. I am not leaving you alone like this Patrick Jane."_

 _"You don´t have to do this. I´ll be all right."_

 _"I want to. Remember? I want to."_

 _He sighs._

 _"Okay. Fine. But we have to come back before the suns comes up."_

 _"Deal. Let´s go then," she says and smiles reassuringly._

 _"Uh, Angie? I might need to borrow your make-up tomorrow," he says on the way to the lake._

 _"Sure thing. I´ll help you put it up."_

 _"Thank you."_

* * *

 _Two weeks later, the trailer is half empty. Alex is standing in the middle of it, looking around himself. His son´s belongings are gone. So is half the cash he hid from the boy. Or at least he think he did._

 _"Son of a bitch," he mutters._

 _His mind is hazy with anger._

 _That Ruskin girl is missing as well. He went to check it._

 _"Idiots," he mutters. "Stupid kids! Fuck you Patrick! Fuck both of you!" he yells and grabs the tea kettle that his son used every day. He smashes it against the trailer wall, yelling and cursing._

 _By the time Pete get there, almost every little thing in the trailer is broken._

 _"Alex! What the hell is going on?"_

 _"He´s gone! He´s gone with half of my money! I am going to kill that boy!"_

 _Pete stands there, thinking about that poor boy. He has no intention to tell Alex that he helped them kids leave. As much as he hated seeing them leave, he knew it was for the best. Alex was no father to that boy. He broke the promise he once gave to his late wife._

 _"Who´s gone?" he ask pretending not to know._

 _"WHO DO YOU THINK IS? PADDY!"_

 _"Well, I´ll be damned."_

 _"It´s not much," he says once they step into their new home. One bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchen area. Almost unfurnished. It is all he could afford with the money he took away from his father and his little savings. Still, it is in a better part of the city, with good neighbors, and it is all theirs._

 _"It´s perfect," she says. "And it´s just a start. I like it here Patrick. I really do."_

 _"Me too," he admits. "Me too."_

* * *

 _Lisbon_

 _Teresa shifts in the back of the old Camaro, blushing. Her boyfriend smiles. "We don´t have to do this if you´re not ready, Tee."_

 _She is not sure what to say. Thinking about something and then actually doing it are two different things._

 _"It´s not that...it´s just...I kind of imagined it differently."_

 _"Yeah. I know. It´s a bummer my parents decided not to go on that vacation."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"What about your place?"_

 _She shakes her head. There is no way in hell she would be allowed to bring a boyfriend home. Even if she wanted to. Which she don´t. Her father is in the middle of a serious drinking and hitting things (and people) unnecessarily stage. The only reason why she is out here right now is that her brothers are with their aunt. Otherwise, she would have to watch out for them._

 _"Not a good idea," she whispers. She don´t know how much he knows about the situation at her place, however he saw her bruises. If anything, that could give him a clear image._

 _"Probably not. Maybe...maybe we could just try it and see if it feels right..."_

 _"Okay," she breathes out._

 _He grins._

 _Soon enough, they are kissing passionately. And when his hand reaches for her breast, she doesn´t flinch like she always does._

 _He moans into her mouth._

 _He lifts the hem of her shirt with his other hand, his lips still pressed against hers._

 _The need for air makes her head dizzy. She suddenly stop kissing him and breaths in._

 _"Everything all right?" he asks a little worriedly._

 _She likes him. He´s nice to her. He always was. He never pushed her, or make her do things she didn´t want. She is just not sure if she loves him. Or what love feels like for that matter. Maybe...just maybe what she feels for him is love._

 _"Yeah...I´m fine. Scared a little," she admitted. That only girl in her class who was not making fun of the fact that Teresa Lisbon is still a virgin, told her about the pain. "First time hurts, Reese," her words echoed in her head, "But it gets better and then it feels so good."_

 _She wondered how good that might just be._

 _"Don´t be," he says to her. "You know I would never hurt you, right?"_

 _She nods. That much she knows. He would never hurt her, at least not on purpose._

 _Suddenly, she can feel his hand unzipping her jeans. She shivers._

 _"Can I?" he asks with a longing expression._

 _She nods. Any words she might utter have died in her throat anyway._

 _He pulls her jeans down just a little and trails into her panties with his free hand._

 _"You are so beautiful," he whispers to her, massaging her lightly._

 _He´s not a virgin. He told her so. He also told her that he knows what he is doing. That was reassuring enough when they talked about it, but now, she was not so sure anymore. No one was ever allowed to touch her like he just did._

 _"Don´t be scared Tee, just enjoy it," he whispers to her._

 _"O...okay," she breaths out. She´s trying. Trying like hell._

 _He starts nibbling on her earlobe, and she moans. Okay, this does feel pretty good._

 _She gasps when he pushes his finger inside her._

 _"You like it?" he asks and moves the finger up and down._

 _"Kind of," she replies and her breath hitches._

 _He chuckles. "Kind of, eh? What about this?"_

 _He slips another finger inside her. That hurts a little._

 _"Greg...," she mutters worriedly._

 _"Shh, I´m just making it easier, trust me."_

 _"Okay then..."_

 _He was right. He did make it easier._ _And the girl from her class was right as well. It hurt. A lot. But only for a while._ _She was surprised that it took just few minutes for them to finish. But once they did, she felt good. It was nice._

 _"I love you," he says to her once she´s dressed._

 _"I love you too," she whispered back smiling at him. Yeah, this probably is love._

 _"Let´s go. I have something to show you."_

 _She smiles at him. "Okay."_

 _They drive away, both content and happy. Excited even._

 _She gets home late that night. Her father is asleep on the couch in living room as she tiptoes to her room. There is still something she needs to do before going to bed. Apart shower and praying. She needs to finish her history assignment._

 _The house is calm and soundless._

 _No better time to do this, she thinks to herself. No one is bothering her, dad is passed out, brothers away..._

 _She emerges from the shower and dresses herself into comfortable pajamas._

 _Her sight falls on the picture of her mother she keeps on her desk and the content feeling is replaced by sorrow._

 _Teresa has no idea what her mom would say if she knew what her daughter has just done._

 _"I miss you," she whispers. "So, so much."_

* * *

Lisbon gazed at the clock. Jane should be home soon, at least she hoped.. Her first day at work was as tedious as she´d imagined. Four hours of paperwork are hardly considered exciting. Jane and Cho and the other hand had all the action they needed. With the new case and possible suspects, Jane had to work his magic through the whole day. She missed that. Missed being part of it. The only exciting thing that happened to her at work was...nothing.

Not a damn thing.

The work was not the only thing that wasn´t exciting. Lisbon sighed. She and Jane has been together for almost three months. And of course, she loved every second of it, however there was something that wasn´t quite happening. He had been treating her like she was a delicate, fragile flower. Which she had been, for a longer part of their three months together.

She in no longer so fragile anymore. Or delicate. Or a flower for that matter.

She is a woman with needs.

She spoke to Dr. Black the other day and it was one of the most awkward conversation she had in ages. The cringe was worth it. She learned what she wanted to know.

Her sight fell on the clock again. Almost six.

She dimmed the lights in living room. A bunch of candles were put around making the room a lot more cozy. Soft jazz music was playing in the background. She was wearing a fitting black dress, the one which she bought ages ago and never had a chance to wear.

Everything looked nice. Romantic even. She was never the person to enjoy this romantic crap, however Jane seemed to love it.

She wanted to surprise him.

Sure, she had doubts. A lot of them actually. She tried to push them away as best as she could.

It´s been three months for God´s sakes.

There is this rule about three dates and all of that. Yet she knew Jane was never one to follow any kind of rules except his own. If he believed she was not ready -physically - there was not much she could do. Maybe he was right. Maybe if it wasn´t for that damned respiratory infection she caught in the middle of her recovery, things could be different.

It was a huge set back, everything considered. It made him even more concerned and worried about her health and well-being.

He didn´t take any chances. Literally.

But she is fine know. Even the Dr. Black gave them an awkward green light.

She was in the kitchen, heating the dinner when he came back home.

She could hear his slow footsteps. She bit her lip.

"Teresa...?"

"In kitchen," she called after him, her heart racing.

"Hey," he said once he reached the kitchen. She had to suppress a smile once she saw his expression. He did not expect this one bit.

"Hey yourself," she said back.

He was staring at her, a curious look on his face. She swallowed hard. "Too much?"

He shook his head. "Not at all."

"I wanted to surprise you," she admitted. His stare changed. He became serious all of sudden.

"You managed just that," he replied, making his way to her. "It is beautiful. You´re beautiful," he whispered, "Thank you."

"Don´t mention it," she said, unable to stop blushing, "You hungry?"

He nodded.

They´ve set the table in the living room together in a comfortable silence.

Jane was awfully silent through the whole dinner, which was not something Lisbon was used to. She tried opening any kind of conversation that came up to her mind. As a reward, she got a one word answers. Yes. No. Perhaps. That was not what she expected.

"I spoke to Dr. Black the other day," she spoke casually after any other initial openings failed.

"Oh? You did?"

"Yeah."

He gave her a quick look. She couldn´t quite decipher his expression, yet she was sure he knew what was the conversation about.

"Good," he replied.

He wasn´t eating - more like playing with his food.

"Patrick," she muttered after watching him for a while.

"Yes my dear?" he asked.

"I´m fine."

"I know," he replied with a sigh.

"You are not hungry?"

"Uh, I am. It´s delicious -"

Lisbon stood up. She made his way to him and kissed the corner of his lips. He shivered.

"I love you Patrick," she whispered.

"Teresa..."

"I am fine."

She could see the hesitation in his eyes. Hesitation and longing.

"We can eat later," she whispers.

He nodded.

She took his hand gently, forcing him to stand up. He was still silent while she guided him to their bedroom. And remained silent when started kissing his neck lovingly.

"Teresa...wait...,"

"No," she stated simply, unable to wait anymore.

"But -"

"We waited long enough, don´t you think?" she mumbled between kisses.

"True," he whispered, still trying to resist her.

It was a lost fight from the beginning.

"I don´t want to hurt you," he whispered, still trying to resist.

"You won´t," she replied resolutely.

He nodded, breathing hard. She wasn´t the only one with needs.

He kissed her, leisurely, slowly, savoring her sweet taste. It was intoxicating. He felt every nerve of his body tingling.

It´s been so long...

Too long.

He was so ready. Ready and terrified.

Suddenly, she stopped kissing him. He looked into her eyes and saw what she was as ready as he. Maybe even more. And once she uttered those words, words that made his heart race at an unreasonable rate, he couldn´t contain himself anymore.

"Make love to me Patrick."

He swallowed hard.

"I will," he whispered back, whisking her up and making her squeal a little.

He placed her on the bed, gently. Slowly.

Her dress was quickly discharged.

She was laying there all naked in front of him, smiling seductively and he nearly lost it. He had no idea how his clothes were ripped off of by her, yet it was a swift process. Soon, they laid together, side by side, naked and in love. He hissed when her tiny hand reached the most sensitive part of his body. And when the gentle stroking started, he nearly came.

He grabbed her hand.

She chuckled. "Don´t."

"T´resa...I -"

"Shh," she mumbled and got up. Suddenly, he could feel her hair tickling his underbelly.

"Close your eyes," she commanded.

He didn´t want to, yet he obeyed.

He wasn´t ready for what she had prepared for him.

"Oh, God..." he muttered through gritted teeth.

Her mouth was so soft. Warm. She was killing him. He was at her mercy. Literally. It became too much, too soon.

He grabbed her hand once more, silently begging for her to stop.

But she didn´t.

"N..no," he mumbled, "Wait...!"

Lisbon stopped. She was looking at him with an amused and smug expression.

"What is it Patrick?"

He swallowed hard.

"I...I don´t know how long -"

She just smiled before continuing her torture.

Things went quickly from there. All the denial, fear and worries were forgotten. He arched himself upwards, moaning and fighting the need to release. And when it became entirely too much, he moved. Quickly. He whisked her up once again, moving her underneath him. The look on her face was priceless. He could feel just how ready she was.

He pushed his middle finger inside her wet, warm core.

She squirmed and turned underneath him, but he was stronger.

His left hand covered both of hers, making her unable to move.

Unable to stop him.

"Patrick...!" she pleaded, but he was not going to stop now.

It was when her moans turned into helpless cries and mumbles that he decided to stop and change the game.

He entered her with one swift stroke, emitting a loud moan from both of them.

He wasn´t sure how long it took them to find their release. It felt like ages. It felt amazing. It´s been so long, for both of them.

Her eyes were open, gazing into his the whole time.

He knew she was on the verge and so was he.

Increasing his pace, Jane quickly drove them to climax.

It was intense.

Mind-blowing.

Amazing.

Unforgettable.

He felt powerless. Boneless. His head spun.

He collapsed beside her, breathing hard and fast. For a moment, his mind went blank. The only image in his head was Lisbon. The only sound was her own rapid breathing.

He glanced at her. Her eyes were closed this time, one of her hands resting on her chest.

"Teresa..." he said worriedly. Her breathing was worrying him.

"I´m fine," she muttered, knowing him better than anyone. "Just catching my breath."

"Breathe in," he said calmly, slowly. "Deep breaths, in and out..."

She nodded, following his advice.

Her breathing calmed eventually.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He placed a soft kiss on her bare shoulder instead answering. A small smile appeared on her lips. She turned to face him, face blushed and hair damp. "That was...amazing."

"It truly was," he replied, answering her intense stare with a stare of his own.

"We should have done this a lot sooner."

Jane chuckled. She was probably right. "We have all the time in the world to make up for it," he said with a subtle smile.

"I´ll take your word for it."

They stayed in the silence for a while, together, her head resting on his chest. She was slowly drifting away to sleep, he could tell.

"You have no idea what you mean to me," he whispered quietly.

Her hand trailed into his wild curls. "Same here," she whispered back.

He waited before she was asleep and carefully entangled himself from her sleeping self. Quietly, he put on his boxers shorts and left the room. He made his way into the living room. There was something he had to take care of. He blew all the candles as a safety precaution and turned off the CD player. Done that, he went back to their bedroom. Hesitating for a moment, he stood there watching Lisbon sleep.

At least he thought she was sleeping.

"Get back in here," she muttered, lifting the cover up for him. He chuckled. She was still naked.

After shedding his boxers, he did as she told him.

She snuggled up against him as soon as she could.

It was way too soon for them to go to sleep, however he felt emotionally drained. In a good way. It´s been years since he felt like this. So, a little rest was more than welcomed.

He let her calm breathing and memories from this night lull him to sleep.

"I love you," he whispered one more time before the world went black.

* * *

 _Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it. See you later :)_


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